Who am I?

​“In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons through Christ Jesus to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise and glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the beloved”—Ephesians 1::5-6
 
    
In my Principles of Biblical Research and Writing class a few days ago, we were discussing how to dissect the context behind Scripture. This verse was used as an example for what we were doing. The professor of the class, who is also the head of my Christian Ministry program, doesn’t know this, but this particular passage of Scripture has played a key role in my journey of spiritual healing.
 
    
I want to start out by saying that while this post may not be as deep as my past few have been, it’s still extremely personal to me. A little background about myself—I am an adopted child and the product of a teen pregnancy. In being completely transparent, every possible generational curse you can think of was stacked against me genetically. Because of this, I struggled with my identity. For the longest time, I felt that there was something wrong with me for her to give me up. I don’t say that to diminish my biological mother, but it played a role in why it has taken several years for me to reach a place where I’m not full of bitterness. Being active in a women’s ministry that’s been dealing with the topic of an identity crisis and figuring out not just who I am as a woman but who I am in my relationship with God has done more for me and brought me more healing than any family counseling or therapy session I’ve attended.
 
While I grew up in a home where I knew I was loved, I had parents who adore me, and great friends, I still felt empty and it felt as if there was a part of me that was incomplete or broken. I did everything one could imagine in trying to fill that void.
 
It really made me think about how I viewed my relationship with God and how I viewed Him as my Heavenly Father. In being transparent, my dad and I have a rocky relationship. We are still in the process of righting some wrongs, rebuilding trust with each other, and working on becoming close again. Due to such a tumultuous dynamic relationship, it has taken years for me to come to a place where I could view God not just as a personal savior but my Father in Heaven.
 
Due to the above mentioned family dynamic, I struggled with wondering how…or even if…I could trust God. I let that distrust and the lack of faith in Him take me to some of the darkest places one can imagine. I had no idea how to trust or view Him as a father figure. The verse I used at the top has always had a special place in my heart.
 
In keeping with the theme we’ve been using in Summit’s women’s ministry, “Identity Crisis:: searching for me; who am I?”, I spent the summer of 2015 figuring out who I was as a child of adoption. I posted something on my social media page about my birth mother and was directed to that passage of Scripture. It was really at that point that I began realizing my worth, not just as a woman, but as a child of the Most High. To really process what it means to be “predestined” or that God chose the family I was meant to be placed with…there are really no words to describe what an amazing blessing it is. Outside of a an emotional and personal level, this passage of Scripture hits me on a spiritual level. In the darker seasons of my life when I struggled with the spirit of abandonment, knowing I was predestined to be a child of God and adopted into His family, allowed me to come to a place where I was receptive to His voice. As deeply wounded as I was in those dark seasons, knowing that I needed to endure these struggles to get to where I need to be in my relationship with Him, it’s powerful.
 
 When we studied this passage in class recently, a mentor and I were discussing it. As I was leaving Bacone’s chapel, I mentioned that it was a verse that allowed me to come to God in a special way. It was essentially the gateway to reconciling with my father after a serious physical and emotional altercation happened several years ago. Above all else, this passage of Scripture is a reminder to me to always remember who I am and Whose I am.
 
For anyone reading this, know your worth. Know that if you’re feeling sad or angry, lonely, or scared—you are a child of the Most High God. Know that you’re never alone. God has predestined you for such a time as this. Always remember who you are and Whose you are!!
 
Stay strong, my loves!!
 
Love and light,
 
--S.
 

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