How did I get here?

​This post will be a little different. I was conflicted on how I wanted to go about this, or even if I wanted to mention this. For those that follow me on social media, I announced not too long ago that God led me to pursue the licensing process in ministry at FBC Summit. I’ve spent a lot of time the past few weeks really searching my heart and gaining a full understanding of the brevity of what I’m committing my life to.
 
This is not something I take lightly at all. I never imagined my life would turn out this way. A question that was raised at church on Sunday was, “How did I get here?” When I look back at the past 6 years of my life, I see a journey that would defeat most. Not to puff myself up because it was only through God’s strength and Him carrying me through some of the darkest seasons and days of my life that I’m here today.
 
     In being transparent, I have spent the past few days almost questioning this decision. In my heart, I know I’m ready for this. I know God wouldn’t put me in this position or have such a strong calling or destiny on my life if I wasn’t. To be totally honest, I was using my fear as a cop-out. I was stuck in my old routine of comparing myself to other peers in my degree program. I was using it as a cop-out to run from my calling a second time rather than rising up to meet it. I was essentially beginning to back away from my calling to ministry out of fear rather than running towards it. It was like everything from my past was catching up to me and my first instinct was to run and hide.
 
I reached a point a couple of days ago where I realized that I’m not about that life anymore. I was worried, to say the very least, of whether or not I was ready. I had a long meeting with Pastor before my class and it helped. I was a little more confident but was still doubting my abilities and was battling some serious self-doubt and even a little self-loathing about everything. I was in my New Testament class yesterday discussing Second Corinthians, which is basically like a manual for ministry. There was a passage that talked about comparison.
 
It was like in that moment, God convicted me about comparing myself to other women who are more experienced in ministry than I am. He re-iterated something Pastor told me before this class session where my sermon is not about the content but about the connection. It was like, in that moment, I realized how personal this message is going to be. It was then that all of my insecurities fell away and I was able to have a clear head and a clear heart for the first time since this process began.
 
Like I said, this is not something I take lightly. This is not something I take for granted. God has so given me this calling and He has even more so graciously allowed me to have this position. I am extremely humbled that He has entrusted me with such a precious calling and destiny on my life and while it has been one of the most brutal, painful journeys I’ve ever been on, I wouldn’t have it any other way. God has proven time and time again that everything is on His timetable and not mine. He has proven that His word will never return void. Above all else, He has proven that no matter what season of life I’m in—He is still God and there’s always a reason to praise Him.
 
While this particular post is basically something from my personal journal and there’s not a strong inspiring biblical principle to it- know that God has a plan for you. Never give up. Keep pressing on and keep pushing through.
 
In closing, I am so sorry for going so long without posting anything. I have plans for 2 more posts that are coming in the coming days and I have plans for the week of my licensing. I may try to figure out at way where I’m blogging the preparation process up to the day I present my first sermon. Never fear—I am back and will have more posts up soon!
 
Love God
     Love others
     Love yourself.
 
Love and light,

S.

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